I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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