There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
