it wasn't lemon gatorade
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
