My hand turned me down
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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