Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
