So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
