can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
