I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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