Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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