I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
