I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
