I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
