i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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