I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
