I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
