Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
