im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
