I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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