Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
