Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
