Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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