I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
