he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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