just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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