I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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