Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
