I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
