Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
