i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
