u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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