My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
