Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
