woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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