So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
