life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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