and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
