i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
