He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
