Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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