i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
