I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
