And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
