my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the condom got lost in my hair
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
