Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
