My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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