I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
