I faked an abortion last night.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
