So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
