batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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