Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
