dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
this will be a night to untag.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
