you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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