The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
