The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
