I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
where am i from again
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
