I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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