$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
