That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think I sprained my soul last night
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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